Ok so it’s 3:00am and I’m laying in bed wide awake… Once again struggling to sleep!!
All the days happenings runs and plays through my mind but always I’m consumed by that one thing… I NEED TO BE SKINNY AGAIN!!!
So I lay in bed and just think about all the things that have got me downs nod how I’m looking forward to going back home and getting back to my routine before I start uni…. But I just can’t cope with the hunger and so like a fatty I go to the kitchen… Just a small snack but it still a snack and so I go to a mirror and see the weight I just gained from eating! I look and try to feel my bones that I so want to be showing, but because of week times like this because of how my ex bf beat me down so much and made me feel worthless, i felt like I lost all control.
But the thing is I know I have to gain it back.. If I want to be happy again, if I want to be me, I have to gain it back and turn this body in to mine!
You know sometimes you just look at yourself and think ‘this is not me, I don’t know who this is, but its not me’ - yea and I’m fed up with that. I want me back, I deserve to be happy with who I am, everyone dose! So basically (I’m sure none read this… But it was just a midnight vent) to be happy I need to gain back control, I know I can, I will and its starting today, from this moment on my life is filled with smiles happiness love and all things good, and on my way to my perfect body again 😊😘😊😘😊😘😊😘😘😊😘
Today been lazy as anything!! Sooo tired! TOM :(
Watched 4 movies
PBNJ on toast
2 chocoholic biccs
Yoghurt and fruit
And now wanting dinner already!!
PERIODS SUCK! :(