i don’t love him, but why can i not let it end…why can’t i break up with him i- he treat me like shit, i can’t even stand his name, and i hate myself! he has a hold on me, i am sceard to let it end, why??? i just want it to go back to how it was three months ago!! :( pleaseee!! i want to feel special…
when will it not be a lie to say “it’s all okay”…..?
yep! so why so i say it bothers me!! it don’t!! lol
Don’t even want to say the stupid things i did, in case some how my boyfriend find out!
But i do have to stop this drinking….love to get drunk just to feel like nothing matters!! :)
but i feel so embarrassed at how oftern i drink! only 17 and feel like an alcoholic! fuck! and i only started drinking like this about 2 weeks ago!
not good! come on… need to sort my life out!
got up exercised, had protein shake
went child minding drank coffee and ate 2 biccie’s
cam home was tired and tried to change my room around but gave up and put it back
watched bedtime stories and had an apple
then had dinner at 7:00 tuna sweetcorn and mayo with 2 slices bread and a cracker
then had chocolates -
had bath and purged ( aww noo!)
then watched tv and lapoted with hot chocolate
now this…. good day not tooo over cals i hope :)
woke up did some toning exercises
had 300 cal protine shake
went to work till 3 drank coffeeee ( not much of an appetite, having bf issues! :(
came home did stuff till likeee…5 -Tumblrrr :)
the had banna
then did some yoga! love’s it!
now going to wash and dry my hair to kill some time befor i eat dinner… have to but to be honest i justwant to sleep and get the day over.. having a boyfriend fucks your head up! lol
soo calories going all good so farr - keeeping it low :) xx
i will never believe him when he tells me, texts me or say’s it to me…. is that bad?
So intake for today has been very very good :)
i woke up feeling happy, despite crying non stop about my relationship for the past three days!
i did however miss my toning exercises as i had to go in to work, i ended up working 10-8 lots of money though!
work was okay until my boyfriend turned up, it’s like this…. i don’t know if i want to be with him but can’t deal with the brake up consequences!
after how much he hurt me i could never feel the same! he was all over me saying how much he missed me ( spent new yrs with his mates :( !! ) and being just so lovely to me, but i didn’t even want to kiss him…. felt sick with fear of loosing him if he could read my mind right now, but just want it to end, but not want to deal with the consequence (DON’T KNOW IF THAT MADE SENSE??)
came home at 8, had scrammbled egg! my fav food eevaaaaa! and a few celabrtation chocolates. at work i had one of the cooks make me a pancake lol! america style! ha
also looked and checked out my horoscope… good year ahead i think :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Xxxx
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MORE THAN ONCE! tonight u have done it again :( no more tears left
ok so i started the pill the other month, but lasted 3 days then gave it up coz i thought i was going to gain weight!
but now i think i should try it again! i know that i will only loose weight on it!!
been so tired today, in bed mostly watching tv.. lazzzzy, but woke up with a cold sore agggin!! arrg, think i’m due my period soo… might be why :(
eaten ok today, thought i wouldn’t have to see my boyfriend for at least 3 days, but turns out that i might get the chance to stay at his this Friday .. i want to but, i think i need time away from him, getting a bit worried an hoping he just don’t see me as easy! like when i stay we have sex, i love sex but just don’t want him to think that that’s all i want and have to give, he is older and has more only, so i want to have my own car so that i have that part of control if you know what i mean??
But i keep saying i won’t see him unless he invites me out! But i just end up going to his anyways… know it’s wrong and that i shouln’t bow down to him like that but i just like being with him, but it scares me how i feel about him, i deserve more than this! i deserve to betaken out and shown off to the world, not cooped up in his room having sex!
Although i am horny most of the time! haha